Every now and then we experience a moment of uncertainty, an unprecedented momentum in our lives which gives us either the option to undergo the process or the choice to fight back. It can be a very small-scale event, a difficult conversation with a partner, a bad hair day or maybe you crashed into your boss’s Maserati with your precious Prius. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s more complicated, like a burnout, depression or the sudden death of a friend or relative. It is of course entirely possible you’ve already conquered all these challenges and this uncertainty has a mere global, complex reason. Upcoming elections, bad leadership, pandemics, non-objective media and contradictory, even questionable approaches towards truths and not-so-truths require a blend of clarity, thinking and some thought provoking self-reflections in order to stay alive and to make sure our own demons, either conquered or not, are not being fed by  these global events.

But as we all know, at a certain moment, the shit hits the fan, and an already unstable situation devolves into utter chaos. Covid-19 for example is a complex problem in a complex system. Complex systems are, by definition, made up of multiple interacting components. Such systems are open, their boundaries are fluid and hard to define. They are also dynamically evolving, elements in the system affect, positively or negatively, other elements. Unfortunately they are also very unpredictable (a fixed input to the system doesn’t have a fixed output) and very self-organising (the system responds adaptively to interventions). Complex systems can be properly understood only in their entirety. Isolating a part of the system to “solve” this, does not produce a solution that works across the system for all time. Uncertainty, tension, and paradox are inherent and must be accommodated rather than resolved. (Greenhalgh T, Papoutsi C., 2018)

All well and good, but while our governments create draconical measures in order to try to contain the spread of the virus, we have to stay alive.

Social distance, no more cuddling, no more drinks with friends, isolated elderly people, people dying and relatives not being able to mourn properly, along with other frustrating so-called side effects make it very difficult for the human mind to get along in such a complex system. We cry, we shout, we nag and we discuss for hours, judging people who go against our opinions and praising new friends that follow our thoughts. We are suddenly all experts in politics, in reading medical reports, in calculating complex computer models and in science. Somewhere along the way we forgot science should serve as an example to humanity of how to reason, and not the other way round (Verdickt. L, personal communication). And, as a side-note, politics should serve humanity as well.

And it doesn’t seem to help. The nagging, the shouting, the crying, the discussions, they all seem to feed and even enlarge our personal demons. Pro and contra appear to be the only valid arguments in the discourse and polarisation trumps the nuance. Pun intended. Stupidity and ignorance seems to be the desired states of mind and ‘critical thinking’ is the new ‘bon ton’ amongst the non-thinking part of humanity. We seem to have forgotten that critical thinking is more than just the accumulation of facts and knowledge; it’s a way of approaching whatever is presently occupying your mind in such a way you come to the best possible conclusion. Critical thinking is focused on constantly upgrading one’s knowledge, engaging in independent self-learning. (Patel, D., 2018). Non-thinking is suppressive. It cuts away thoughts the moment they arise, making the mind impenetrable and unresponsive. It is the mind that neither holds on to, nor lets go of, thoughts. Good for meditation, bad for decision making during unprecedented times.

So how can we survive this very unpleasant and prolonged experience full of pitfalls? Surviving, not only today but also in the future, as we are on the verge of new social systems, new ways of communicating, gathering and socializing.

Even today, despite everything, we need to be able to make our own decisions. And we all have to keep making these decisions, big and small, every day of our lives. A lot of us are exhausted, pushed to the limit and are no longer able to make these decisions for ourselves, even when we seek information, advice or support for the more serious or complex ones. For large numbers of people their capacity to make certain decisions about their life is affected by the pandemic and the side-effects. The pain and suffering during these days is undeniably real for everyone and a lot of people are disproportionately affected just by the stressful pressure they experience. They have to work from home, think fast, feed the kids, find toilet paper in empty shops, find computers to homeschool the offspring, sit on top of each other and still go, go, go without a break or a pauze for themselves. They are pushing the mute-button of their lives in order to serve a fictitious higher purpose, not being able to fail, not being able to rest and not being able to empty the mind and start over with fresh thoughts. And the nagging, the shouting, the crying and the discussions from others just continues, pushing them deeper and deeper until they go berserk and crash. Emptiness and looking into the abyss become their share together with a complete incompetence of rising with fresh and even new thoughts (Last C., 2020, personal communication).

Instead of pushing and overloading our mental capacity, we should be educated in the capacity to adapt successfully the challenges that threaten our functioning, our survival or our development. We need to find our ability to ‘bounce back’ from the challenges of life. And it’s not about avoiding the challenge, but learning to thrive within the challenge.

Today we are learning the hard way how interdependent we are, and how much we depend on the support of other people, health care systems and many other systems in our environment. We have to rely on the news that is offered, the thoughts and opinions of others and all this information is too much to handle without adaptation.

How do we get this ‘resilience’? Adversity maybe? “There is nothing better than adversity,” said the activist Malcolm X. “Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve the next time.”

Maybe.

But we also seem to forget what we are capable of using the plasticity and flexibility of our own mind. Self awareness, mindfulness, self care, positive relationships and purpose should be the new religion.

Having a clear perception of your personality – including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions – allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment.

Research found individuals with higher mindfulness have greater resilience, thereby increasing their life satisfaction. They note that resilience can be seen as an important source of subjective well-being, and point out many ways mindfulness can promote this state of mind. Mindful people can better cope with difficult thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down (emotionally). Pausing, (not muting) and observing the mind may help us resist getting drawn into wallowing in a setback. (Bajaj, B., Pande N., 2015).

Times of high stress can bring out both the best and the worst in people — it’s wonderful when it brings out the best, but it’s completely natural and understandable when it brings out the worst. It’s okay if you cry while looking in the bathroom mirror, it’s okay if you’re short to a loved one, it’s okay if you prefere french fries over a healthy snack. We should be mindful of how we are feeling and acting on any given day, and encourage ourselves for the times when we might not be at our best. We should strengthen relationships with loved ones and important groups (such as your professional colleagues, spiritual groups, etc.) using the technology we all know. And we need to approach our feelings as if we were a curious scientist.

Understanding your purpose is probably the most important skill in order to induce this ‘resilience’. What is your reason for getting up in the morning? Having purpose makes it easier to bounce back in challenging times by providing perspective, stability, confidence and determination. It’s much harder to be defeated when you are passionate and purposeful about your journey. Purpose is a necessary component of a happy and fulfilling life at any level.

To quote Psychology Today: ‘Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life only to come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes. We should not forget: to fail is deeply human; everyone, no matter their background, skillset, or life story, will fail spectacularly at least once in their life. Its commonplace nature, however, doesn’t mean that experiencing a major loss or setback is easy or fun—or that it’s widely accepted in a winner-takes-all culture that prioritizes success at all costs.

However, learning to be okay with making mistakes, big or small, is a critical skill—one tied not only to resilience but also, perhaps, to future success. One recent study, for example, found that young scientists who experienced a significant setback early in their career actually went on to greater success than scientists who had seen early wins.’

But is it not all too unicorn-pink and fluffy? Are we not all brought up to get through life as best as we can? Maybe. But the ability to move forward in the face of uncertainty, the ability to cope when even the carpet under your feet appears to be pulled away and the ability not to feel overwhelmed when things aren’t quite going to plan, in a constantly changing world, despite your beliefs, wars, poverty, truths, religions, news, fake news and other external factors, can bring you back in control.

We do not know when, how or even whether a vaccine or some other solution will bring this pandemic under full control. We do not know what the path of economic recovery is going to look like. We do not know how bad the impact of the pandemic will ultimately be on our relationships. It’s a waste of energy to nag, cry, shout, discuss or judge. But we should not forget we are able to cultivate ourselves in desperate times, we are able to explore the nuance in discussions and news. Resilience is an innate human capacity that can be learned and developed in anyone. All people have the ability to develop the skills that will put them on the path to resilience.

Even you.

Sources:

• Greenhalgh T, Papoutsi C. Studying complexity in health services research: desperately seeking an overdue paradigm shift: BioMed Central, 2018:95.
• Bajaj, B., Pande N., 2015, Mediating role of resilience in the impact of mindfulness on life satisfaction and affect as indices of subjective well-being
• Patel, D., Entrepreneur Europe, oct 2018
• Last, C., 2020, personal communication
• Verdickt, L., 2020, personal communication
• SoT-VUB, 2019-2020
• Oakland University, for a very nice definition of Self-Awareness
• Influenced by The CoronaCrew (kudos!), reading and listening, puzzling with words and scavenging the internet, listening and brainpicking people like Dr. A. Masten, the Clea Team, friends & fellow thinkers…